Desensitization - I don't even know if that's a word but I've been hearing that word for a long time. I'm scared of being desensitize. If it wasn't for my Dad, I would've cried but typical me, I didn't like anyone, especially my Dad, to see me shed a tear. It's been only a month and I feel like I'm becoming a different kind of nurse.
I'm still caring (I guess..) and I still prioritize my patients but sometimes, due to the pressure of finishing paper works, I tend to do lackluster performance. I'm used to seeing my co-workers (those who are getting paid) do a not-so-standard nursing job and I tend to be like them. And I'm hating it. I don't wanna be that kind of person. I don't wanna be the one who thinks "Buti na lang, hindi sa shift natin namatay." instead of expressing simple and short condolences when someone dies. Or not bothering to really read the patient's chart and actually carry out the doctor's order. I don't wanna turn into an apathetic nurse who cares more about finishing his/her paper works instead of the actual nursing intervention. I'm just scared of being desensitize. I'm scared of becoming a bad nurse.
Sometimes, I feel like 'they' prioritize poorly. It's always charting, charting, charting! It is important but isn't the patient a more important aspect in nursing?! Instead of focusing whether the linens are stretched or the ratio of watchers to a patient, why not focus on the actual INTERVENTION!? Like for instance there's this one patient who needs this certain type of medication because he/she's not allowed to eat and this patient is not given the said medication because not one single nurse bothered giving a prescription. No one even bothered teaching the watcher that he/she had to move the patient at least every 4 hours to prevent bed sores and pneumonia. Not one bothered helping the watcher change his/her patient's diaper. And when I saw the chart, everything was well written. It's like a good book turned into a bad movie.
I'm extremely disappointed at the system (Just to be clear, I am not generalizing). I'm also scared. I'm scared I might turn out to be one of them. I don't want to.
I just have to continue reminding myself that I'm a good nurse. Before going to work, I always go to church. I ask God to always guide my hands, my mind and my heart so that I can be the best that I can be for my patients. God help me.
:( Sad. Patch Adams said that sometimes, it helps to treat people, not the disease. It looks like its not happening where you work at. But don't be indiffe
ReplyDeleteBut don't be indifferent or rather, dont turn indifferent..its the worst disease of all
ReplyDeletekaya nga.. nadepress talaga ako nung isang araw kasi feeling ko naging indifferent ako.. ayoko ng ganung feeling..
ReplyDeleteit happens, even with the best of us (the indifference i mean). even if we like to we cannot be perfect in all things, not even in our attitudes and feelings. but that doesn't make any of us a bad person. that's just life - there are good and bad days. the fact that you feel terrible just means that you are aware of what's going on with yourself and that you are doing your best. so take heart, and don't feel bad. you are a good person.
ReplyDeleteNow this is heartfelt...
ReplyDelete